I turned 21 yesterday. Woo. Being a light weight I told myself three drinks… Three became eight at the end of the night. I did the unbearable and wish it didn’t happen. I really hope it didn’t, but the truth is I blacked out from 1-5am. So I was taken advantage of. The boy I like wasn’t able to come over to Mackinac island for the night as he lives in the city. His best friend/ roommate did. I woke up spooning him uncomfortably close. Of course I woke up to period cramps, stomachache, and throwing up. I am still unsure how/ why I made out with him. I ruined a good friendship and a chance at something, if anything with my crush. Go me. I’m ashamed that happened, but more frustrated that he knew I liked his roommate and knew I was wasted and let me do that. For him to think it meant anything hurts me when he knew the truth. He said I led him on, but is that the truth?
I just want to be loved. I just want to go to bed at night knowing that there is someone out there that I make truly happy. Someone to look forward to spending my life with and more. I deserve that. I was robbed from that by being verbally abused and didn’t know what love actually feels like and now I know, it’s not what I thought it was.