Week 7 – MSU Culinary Services

We are officially three weeks away from the opening of 1855 Marketplace and two weeks away from Green and White Days. I am quickly learning that the work-life balance is a difficult one. As it is my last summer, fun is limited in the time I have to do work and school balanced social life. I am so excited for this semester though because even though it will be super hectic, I know it will all be worth it. As Green and White days are closet, that means my hours for that week will be 63.5 hours and I do not know how I actually feel about that. I guess we’ll see how my post goes in two weeks…

With 1855 being three weeks away, testing is almost completely over as we just had Boar’s Head Sandwiches made today to see what would be showcased within the market. It is amazing to see the different products come to life with Boar’s Head. They have so many different types of meats and cheeses. We are using local Breadsmith bread which is awesome to showcase those items as well. I am super nervous with the opening because they have pushed back the training for those marketplace employees and construction is STILL underway. This means training will be going on as the opening happens which blows my mind. Along with that training, Corporate training for Sparty’s Commissary and Food Truck is coming up in about a month and three people are leaving our operation by then. We are trying to limit training to about two days due to hectic activities occurring in the kitchen, but I guess the best way to learn is by doing it. I’m sure the team will jump right in, but hopefully things are done properly. Only way to learn is from the bottom and here I am.

 

June 10, 2016; 11:14 PM

I turned 21 yesterday. Woo. Being a light weight I told myself three drinks… Three became eight at the end of the night. I did the unbearable and wish it didn’t happen. I really hope it didn’t, but the truth is I blacked out from 1-5am. So I was taken advantage of. The boy I like wasn’t able to come over to Mackinac island for the night as he lives in the city. His best friend/ roommate did. I woke up spooning him uncomfortably close. Of course I woke up to period cramps, stomachache, and throwing up. I am still unsure how/ why I made out with him. I ruined a good friendship and a chance at something, if anything with my crush. Go me. I’m ashamed that happened, but more frustrated that he knew I liked his roommate and knew I was wasted and let me do that. For him to think it meant anything hurts me when he knew the truth. He said I led him on, but is that the truth? 

Day Trips

Blessed by two people that have already made my summer worth it. Blessed to have another off day that was the same as Trenton’s, but happy to have met such a kind heart like Brandon. Tells you straight up on his views and couldn’t be more enjoyable to be around. I cannot wait to be able to celebrate being 21 with these two. So here’s to living life to the fullest. 

May 31, 2016; 10:50 PM

I just want to be loved. I just want to go to bed at night knowing that there is someone out there that I make truly happy. Someone to look forward to spending my life with and more. I deserve that. I was robbed from that by being verbally abused and didn’t know what love actually feels like and now I know, it’s not what I thought it was.

May 30, 2016; 12:05 AM

While starting to read Anthony Bourdain’s book, Kitchen Confidential, I have started to fully understand what I want to do in my life. I do want to go to culinary school, I do want to possibly open my own restaurant, I do want to make a statement, and one day I do want to write my own book. Cliché right? I want to save the money I make here waitressing and work on having that to pay for my culinary school. Of course, I believe I shall not go to culinary school right after I finish up at Michigan State, but I will when I fully have enough to say, I am financially ready… I don’t even know if that’s a thing, but I shall try. I expect to go to culinary school in around 4 years. Within that time I will finish up in school and be done with my bachelors by Dec 2017. Upon graduation, I will look into waitressing within a seasonal job, then possibly come back to Mackinac for one last final season. At that point, assuming it’d be my third season, I would soon throw in the flag after it’s over and make my way into being a line cook somewhere else for the time being. When I feel I am ready, I will head to culinary school near where I am and pursue an associates in culinary.

Why.

I’ve never understood why I am so sensitive to things when they happen to me over and over again. Like why am I surprised that the guy I once liked turned into an asshole, or the thought that when someone says they changed, but in reality they didn’t. Why does that surprise me every time. The fact that usually I fall for jackasses, or the fact the guys that usually like me are extremely weird, but honestly very genuine people. Why do I fall for false promises every damn time. I know that things probably won’t follow through with the way I am hoping, but that doesn’t change the fact I still do get my hopes up… Every. Damn. Time. 

But here I am, smiling the pain away, acting like it’s no big deal and moving on to the next thing that gets me through the day.

May 29, 2016; 12:47 AM

Fine dining is no joke. The little things matter in service and that’s the worst part. At this point of my life I don’t give a fuck about want to pursue fine dining and if I do, I want a very chill, moderately fun, controlled environment. Tonight was definitely the breaking point for what I want to do in my life and fine dining is no longer one of them. As I was beaten down and broken after my lunch shift of serving, God gave me a great experience and proved that I am good enough for things by rewarding me with $100 on a $240 bill. Thank you to the lovely couple that made me feel that I am good enough and thank you God for showing me I am worth it

May 26, 2016; 12:52 AM

No matter how are things get there always be a way to get through everything. God has a plan no matter what. He will get me through the sadness. I believe that I don’t need anyone to make me happy. There’s no reason for me to be sad. There’s no reason for me to be anxious. I have all the time in the world to figure out what I want to do. I will one day find the man of my dreams and I will be happy. There will be no doubt in my mind that I will start a family. I have time to do what I need to do before I need to do exactly what I need to do. Was saying that all it means is that I need to get through the things I need to do in order to pursue a future. God has a plan. 

The Past Life

Freshman year of college, I moved to Grand Rapids, MI to further my education in Biology/Chemistry and extend my love to play collegiate soccer at Aquinas College. The school was love at first sight, but little did I know I would have been in a relationship with someone still in high school as I moved away. It was only 50 minutes, but with it being my first relationship it took a bigger impact on my life.
Hurting my knee senior year of high school had a huge impact on my soccer career. A couple torn fibers of my ACL and shifted knee cap wasn’t an enjoyable thing when the weather got cold and the practices got tough. I can no longer run more than a mile, biking is my go to now, but hills can take a toll on the knee. That devastated me because all my life’s hardwork of training and my dream of playing came to an end. 

No one understands what that did to me. I ended up hating the school because I didn’t fit in. That was my own fault. I didn’t go out, drink, expand my friend group. I was the girl that sat in her room and slept away her life because she was too committed to her boyfriend and felt it was better to not do things. I hate myself for doing that. I shouldn’t have committed to a relationship as I was trying to start a new life in Grand Rapids. I should have worked harder at getting physically and mentally better. I know that now as I look back at the memories. 

I was actually a decent soccer player, but the injury took a decent hit on me and I don’t believe anyone actually knew I was a lot better than I let them see. Not that I was hiding it, but the fact I wasn’t physically capable to do that anymore. That didn’t help my depression as all I wanted to do was sleep and that led to me driving home every weekend to get away. I left the school during winter break and never returned. 

I no longer play soccer as it is just a lot on my body. I continued my schooling at Lansing Community College, LCC, for a year then got into Michigan State to continue my education. The first year was really rough on me as I was trying to get into the business school, but now I am in the College of Agriculture to fulfill a degree in Food Industry Management. I hope to get an associates in culinary as well. 

My Fight

It’s been awhile since I’ve felt so depressed I wasn’t sure what to do next. I lived a perfectly fine life. I’ve been blessed throughout my life with people and things that some may never get the opportunity to have. That never really changed the fact that I was hit with depression at the age of 15, sophomore year of high school. Throughout high school I thought it was just SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, as the pain only came during the winters, but progressively got worse over the years. 

I wasn’t able to explain what I felt or why I felt that way. I avoided hanging out with friends and decided it was best to keep to myself. Little things bugged me more than they ever should.  Being depressed at college didn’t help, so I left and moved home to be with my family and boyfriend at the time. 

The depression never ended. February of 2015, I began antidepressants as I was diagnosed with severe depression, but that barely worked as I began to become suicidal. My boyfriend decided he didn’t want me anymore and went with another girl. To this day I still get depressed about that thinking I wasn’t good enough, but that’s okay because I’m better without him. A year later to this day, I am off my antidepressants and genuinely happy. I haven’t talked to him in awhile and I’m much better. It’s been almost three months since I have taken my last pill. I am no longer dependent on such a thing to be happy. No one should have to be dependent on medicine to make them happy. There are so many great things in life that are there to make people enjoy life.

Thankful to have found the happiness in my life and to be here to continue this crazy thing called life.